i permit you to call me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"