Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again