Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she looked like the before picture.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.