I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap