new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
