i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same