Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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