how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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