I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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