pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
