If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
