Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How's work?
Spinning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
