I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm too high and old for this...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
