I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
