i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
