I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
