the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
