Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize