Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
