I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
