My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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