don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
