And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
