Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I AM VODKA MAN
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
