she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize