all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
