Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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