I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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