Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
