I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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