I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
