Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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