he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
