you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
