Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
