your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
