Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
