Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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