fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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