It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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