Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
