someone threw a dead crab at me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
