I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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