I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
