my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
