Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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