If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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