Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
