There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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