I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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