Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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