I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
