i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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