sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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