Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
