So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
