life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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