Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
