I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
