i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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