first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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