Your face is a jimmy john
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
