So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
