i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
