I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
