I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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