Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
