I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
